“Sidewalk social scientist don't get no satisfaction from your cigarette”
-11:59, Blondie

Today’s been going smokingly well thus far: I somehow managed to get to work before 9am, was the only one here for a solid 35 minutes which I spent chattin gonlien with Shane discussing moustaches and Threadless shirts, then I broke the printer, and now get to revise transcripts for a documentary we made before sending it off to it’s German broadcasters. Then I plan on making a trip to the bankt o deposit the company’s thousands of dollars and wander around Queen St all on the company’s dime. It’s 16 degrees out (that’s Global Warming for you) and I feel like ice cream. There’s also all these bottle of beer in the office leftover from show screenings. Unfortunately, it’s still a bit too early in the am to crack open a keith’s.

“Lock up all your memories, get outta here, you know that we can run”

I decided not to be quite as big of a jerk for once and accepted an invitation to dinner (Green Room. Albums played: Stars, Marvin Gaye) with the YM last night. When he brought up the “how would you define 'us'?” I wasted no time in saying, “There’ s an 'us' to define?” Basic summary of the conversation is that we will be friends, which I can see really working. I said in the beginning that I could see us just being friends instead of romantically linked which is fine by me. With all of you returning hoem for Xmas or for good like Eve and with family Christmas things happening, I don’t really have enough time to be fair to the YM. And he did rank a distant 3rd in terms of men I’ve been with, although he is somewhat funny and amusing so he gets credit there.

“Wait until the morning, take tomorrow by the hand”

So Mod Club then? Are we all on board for New Years? Eve and I can go shopping for something pretty to wear for New Years again this year, but this time we won’t actually wait until New Years Eve. Or I’m just going to end up wearing my new Threadless shirts, dress code be dammed! I just hope they fit, American Appearal shirt look like they run small….hmmm, I guess I’ll just have to order more shirts to figure it out.

I’m fighting off a cold and propping myself up with BSS which for whatever reason has been in heavy rotation lately.

Top 5 Songs to Match My Mood (aka the “What did I Do to Deserve Such a Good Day?” mix):

Fire Eye’d Boy- BSS
My Generation- The Who
Analyse- Thom Yorke
A Gift- Lou Reed
Can’t Get Out of Bed- the Charlatans

“Today can last another million years”

“Didn't know what time it was and the lights were low, I leaned back on my radio”
-Starman, David Bowie

If it’s Tuesday (and it is), it’s time for a list.

American TV channel TV Land made a list of the top 100 TV catchphrases. While I’m not exactly taking TVLand as the ultimate authority- they’re no AFI, afterall- some of their list does amuse me.

My favoutire is the: “Holy (whatever) Batman!”…not because I think it’s good but because they’ve placed that “whatever” in there as a substitute for a variety of words. Since I enjoy taking advantage of things, I’ve been using it all day saying things like, “Holy photocopiers, Batman!” or “Holy undead army of urban skanks, Batman!”

“I had to phone someone so I picked on you"

I really only used that “skanks” line to bring up a recent film that Carri, Cassandra, Yenni and I discovered. It’s called Skankz (as in “I’m on ur streetz, workin’ wit da skankz”) and it retails for a delicious $29.99 at Jac’s Milk on Roncesvalles. But it’s partially hidden behind that clever white piece of paper so children don’t see it. I assume the film is about Skanks, who work hard for their money-so hard for it honey- but get little respect. It’s the feel good comedy of the year. I actually think the little Chinese man who owns the store was more afraid of us than we were of him. Everything we acknowledged in the store, he would tell us a price for.. If I glanced at a container of Pringles, he would yell out an overpriced “4.99!” which also explains how we know how much Skankz would set us back.

...My office is next door to a psychic and the building is owned by this crazy old Eastern European woman who comes over almost every day to use the bathroom and the phone…I guess she’s the Toronto equivalent to Shane’s maid, except we don’t pay this woman and when she’s done using the phone, she insists on sitting on our lime green IKEA couch to chat. Apparently she’s showing up less because the guy she really liked no longer works here. I’ve become the bodyguard refusing to let her in by saying that the plumbing is broken so she can’t use the toilet (she is now convinced that there is a conspiracy in place by the city to get everyone to replace their pipes) or that someone spilled water over the couch so she can’t sit down. It amuses me in my downtime. She patted me on the head last week. Called me a good girl. If only she knew.

“He'd like to come and meet us, But he thinks he'd blow our minds”

Dan’s also got me obsessed with these shirts from threadless.com. I loves them the way I just shucked the YM (who keeps calling me).

And this is the Borat picture that makes me laugh every time I see it. I have it pinned up on my wall. I wonder if that bear eats marshmallows like the ones at Marineland. Just like they do in the wild….

Top 5 Songs for Ushering Crazy Women out of Your Office:

Say it Right- Nelly Furtado
Leave (Get Out)- Jojo
Get out!- Sublime
Leave Me Alone- Michael Jackson
Why Are You Alive?- The Vandals

Whatever- I'm still laughing at that bear.

“There's a starman waiting in the sky”

“All of the time you wait, there's someone out there, And no one can find all the red”
-Stars and Sons, BSS

Where did the weekend go? How am I back at work, still irate and tired? Ugh. “I don’t like Mondays” indeed Sir Geldolf.

The weekend was enjoyable. Spent Friday lying on the couches in the living room with Carri watching Orange County and crappy TV while shunning the YM (but more on that later).

Saturday was to be the big movie marathon day with Dan but we only made it through two films- Volver (good) and For Your Consideration (awful). Dan almost fell asleep in FYC at 430 in the afternoon and I kept waiting for it to get funny, thinking about haircuts Carri could give me (she’s s pro stylist) and how much that would cost me to pay her in beer. We were so enraged by FYC that we gave up on Babel and opted on wandering the Eaton’s Centre, watching “Hollywood’s Top 20 Murders” and going for Festive Specials at the Chalet.

“You asked for nothing, Why don't you share it”

The Festive Specials picked the night up especially because of the world’s worst waitress Khanh (yes, “Wrath of Kahn” factored in). She’s terrible but she’s hilarious. A staple of the Swiss Chalet across from Honest Ed’s, she closed my menu and pointed out to me that I would be having the Festive Special with fries. She offered me a refill of Pepsi and instead of taking my glass to refill it, slammed a pitcher of pop on the table. She also delivered the finger bowls and chocolates “in case she forgets” before we had even picked up our cutlery. For dessert, she threw a piece of pecan pie drenched in caramel sauce and buried under icing sugar at me.

We met up with Carri and Yenni at Grace O’Malley’s for Yenni’s goodbye party and danced to a random cover band- who were actually good and pulled off a decent “Rock the Casbah.” It was dirty expensive but then again, I’m used to getting into the Cave fro free and paying next to nothing for precious bottles of 50. But I think I’ll be adding Grace’s to my roster.

“I don't know it, It won't be this time”

You’re all going to laugh, but on Sunday Dan and I attended a Swedish Christmas Fair…for about 10 minutes. We were told things were picking up as the stage show was underway. The show revolved around old couples dancing and clapping. We ran out of there and went to Eggspectations where I could avoid the YM’s calls before returning hoem and cranking the BSS and Stars. We’re also going to see The Phantom of the Opera in March thanks to Queens U’s sweet ticket deals (shaking my fist at Carleton). Lately there’s been a slew of “Are you and Dan dating?” from his family and mine. Yenni thinks Dan looks like my brother (not true at all, other than the fact that we both have glasses). When my dad asked if we were and I said no, he replied with a “Good.” It’s a running joke between us since Dan’s mom once forbid Dan from marrying me. We think it’s hilarious because I would have made a move 10 years ago…or maybe I’m just biding my time…

“You're the same when you're living”

And now onto the gossip. YM is officially dunzo this time. It’s been confirmed. After discussing with Yenni and Natalie to make sure I wasn’t blowing anything out of proportion, I decided I wasn’t crazy and the YM is an idiot. To borrow Nat’s new phrase, “Shuck it.” To make a long story short and one that doesn’t translate well to blogging or type-form, turning down two invites during the week with me and then practically begging me to go out on Friday (to which I said no), not even responding to an invite sent Monday until Friday night, then not even being home at 1030 in the morning on a Sunday when I told him I would call to meet up somewhere, not apologizing and making hostile remarks (“There’s someone who will tolerate you that long?” when I told him about the movie marathon), and then suggesting that it was my fault I didn’t want to go out and do something at 10pm on a Sunday night after he finished watching Love Actually. When he said, “Something this week then?” I gave him the old, “We’ll see. Email me. Goodbye.” It was the most awkward 2 min phone call ever. But I’m done with him. I don’t care enough to care. Even to be mildly agitated is too much for me. I’m generally in an agitated state what with children and people and all, so I don’t need anymore.

I think I’m coming down with that cold that’s circulating the city. My throat hurts. But I’m being good and skipping a preview screening of Pan’s Labyrinth as much as it pains me.

“There's something out there”

“You caught me under false pretensesHow long before you let me go?”
-Supermassive Black Hole, Muse

Comedy night last night was fun. I realized why I like Debra DiGiovanni: she’s me 100 lbs heavier and 11 years older. Seriously. She makes lists, loves cats, and hates people. See, I told you.

It was a fun night out and save for the one old dude comic who wasn’t funny, everyone else was good: Fraser Young whom I love anyway (I love anyone on “Video on Trial”), Mark Bennett, some guy named Dave, and Debra who was the headliner. Of course, we should have learned from our experience that the minute you bring one dude out with a bunch of girls, he’s getting picked on by every comic and a lot of “Am I right, man?” shout outs. Of course, we had prime tables right in front of the stage. Also when comics inevitably ask where you’re from, being with two Irish and a Norwegian also gets laughs for the rest of the night. It marked the first time all 4 of us who live together have gone out: Cassandra, Yenni, Carri, and Yenni’s friend Mel and John who are often hilarious and/or drunk.

Saturday is Yenni’s official goodbye party at Grace O’Malleys. Dan and I are going to spend the day in one of our patented movie marathons. We’re trying to cram in For Your Consideration, Volver, and Babel. We should be able to do it with some running across Bloor street between theatres in 20 minutes between shows. Then we’ll meet up with the crew at Grace’s.

“I thought I was a fool for no-one, Oh baby I'm a fool for you”

And just some random pics of us living the glamourous life.

I’ve also been tipped off about some sort of Swedish festival on Sunday which features free samplings and Swedish treats. I’m just going to see if there are any Swedish chef impersonators. And you know the Swedish Chef was the first thing that came to mind when I heard about this. “You're the queen of the superficial”

Top 5 Songs Played in a Row on my New Fave Station XFM London or Scotland (aka the “Freshen your drink Guv’ner” mix):

Tender- Blur
Walk Away- Franz Ferdinand
Whoo! Alright- The Rapture
Cash Machine- Hard-fi
Local Boy- The Rifles

My day is off to a good start.

“You set my soul alight”

“Nobody ever had a dream round here, but I don't really mind that it's starting to get to me”
-Sam’s Town, The Killers

This weekend will be whimsically drunken since its Yenni my Irish roommate’s last weekend rockin’ the T-dot like Shawn Desmond. Put me in a room with the Irish and my other roommates Carri and Cassandra and just wait for the slurred speech and finger pointing to punctuate the sentences that end with “…your mom.”

We’re starting the weekend early tonight at a comedy club to see Debra DiGiovani, one of my favourites from “Video on Trial.” Yenni and I saw her last month as an MC but tonight she’s headlining so it should be hilarious.

The roommates and I lounged around watching The Wedding Date, a God-awful movie I got as part of my 3 weeks of free rentals from Rogers. The problem is that I end up renting crap because I’ve seen everything halfway decent already. But I’d also rather watch horrid garbage than another rerun of “Friends” (which are actually all new to me since I never watched the show the first time around). I ended up fast forwarding through the last 30 minutes and giving my own narration of events including characters’ voices- Durmot Mulroney never sounded so good. Follow that up with some “America’s Next Top Model” and you have yourself a party.

“"So why do you waste my time?" Is the answer to the question on your mind”

I think the YM in dunzo. He’s aggravating. And I don’t need to be agitated by someone who’s not my boyfriend. I think I’ll just ignore and/or shun him like a leper and see if he gets the hint. Eve, when you’re home, you can come out to speed dating with me and Dan. We can sign up for the same session and at least that way when Dan comes around I’ll have someone to make fun of the other people there with. And as a plus, any step towards dating is assurance for Dan’s mother and her warning from 1998 to, “please don’t ever marry Rachel.” Also on deck, singles nights at the Paramount theatre which for the price of the ticket includes two drinks and speed dating…and the movie. I’m not sure if dudes would want to give me their opinion on a film, especially if it was something lame because the first words out of my mouth would be, “What?! You liked that movie? What’s wrong with you?” But then again, at least that would narrow things down for me because if all you’re going to say is, “I liked it. It was good” then I have no space or time for you anyway.

“I've got this energy beneath my feet, like something underground's gonna come up and carry me”

Natalie and I have also gotten in the bad habit making up random sentences like, “I’m in ur head, eatin’ ur brainz” and “I’m in ur barnz, milkin’ ur cowz,” or “I’m in Jerusalem, slapping Jesus some skin.” The more ridiculous and horribly spelled, the better. For now, we’ll continue with this trend until it loses our interest. Which isn’t likely. Try it. Its fun.

“Have you ever seen the lights?”

Top 5 Songs Random Songs I’ve Thought About Today (aka “These Pretzels are Making Me Thirsty” Mix):

Got Your Money- ODB
Birds- Moving Units
Trouble- Shampoo
Little Red Book- Love
Hate to say I Told You So- the Hives

“But I know that I can make it,as long as somebody takes me home...”

“Ain't no other man, That can stand, up next to you, Ain't no other man
On the planet, does what you do”
-Ain’t No other Man, Christina Aguilera

I’ve stumbled across something to pair with Jekyll and Hyde: The Musical….The Ten Commandments: The Musical…wait for it…starring Val Kilmer as Moses!

It could only be a good thing.
And I guess the odd thing is is that Val Kilmer already has played both Moses AND God in The Prince of Egypt.

It looks like I’m back on my winning streak again: I won a 3 week free trial with Rogers Video new online rental system.

And we got a random FedEx package from California at work that came with bizarre American "licorice" in it. it's no Twizzlers. You'd be surprised how quickly gross licorice from the US disappears when there are editors and producers around.

And Dolly Parton is in the city today.

I really have nothing else to say because nothing can compare with the Ten Commandments in musical form. If only the Hoff could make a cameo while wearing his Goofy hat…

And yes, I did dedicate today’s song to Kilmer and Hoff in the hopes that they one day find each other on screen.

“You got soul you got class, You got style, you're badass”

“And now you're back here at Monday so we can do it all over again."
-Monday Morning, Pulp

Ok. It’s officially time for Christmas in my mind. The Santa Claus Parade ushers in the Xmas spirit for me so now the season has officially begun with the first snowfall and breaking out the winter coat this weekend. On Friday I grimaced at the sight of the overly decorated Duke of York pub, but today I’m all about bringing it and getting festive (what’s that? Swiss Chalet Festive Special?).
“There's nothing to do so you just stay in bed,oh poor thing, Why live in the world when you can live in your head?"

First things first, Dirk made it to town on Thursday after getting lost only once and somehow ending up further north than he should have been (“How did you end up on Bloor instead of Lakeshore?”). We then deciding it was a good time to go out for a drink, and after roaming the streets near my house, we ended up at The Dizzy Weasel, a sports bar in the heart of Polish town.

We were instantly the odd ones out as it was noted that I was the only woman other than the waitress and that all 6 TVs in the bar were tuned to the hockey game. Every time something happened on screen the middle aged men would scream and raise their fists in the air. When they weren’t screaming or going crazy over the golf arcade game, they were singing along to ‘80’s power ballads and Cat Stevens. Seriously.

“Now, now that you're free, what are you going to be?”

And as a testament to Dirk, he actually did graduate. I saw the diploma. Not as pretty as Carleton’s. And Yenni said he looked handsome in his suit. After some "America’s Next Top Model" watching, we headed over to the Duke of York for drinks with Dirk’s fellow grads and Lauren and Patrick. After being unable to convince Dirk to join us at the Cave, Lauren, Patrick and I met Yenni for some good old fashioned Caving (classic tracks included “Banquet,” Franz, Mr. Stevie Wonder, “Hotel Yorba,” and Gorillaz).

After Dirk left Saturday morning, I lounged around watching “Different Strokes” and showing the apartment to new potential roommates (think I found a good one) before meeting the YM for The Last King of Scotland- one of the best films I’ve seen in a loooong time…like since Capote- followed by pitchers at the Beast and a horrible episode of SNL.

“I want a refund, I want a light”

Sunday was Santa Claus Parade Day which did not include a Zanta sighting and a trip to Yorkdale and sushi on Bloor (but not actually Sushi on Bloor) with Dan after our botched plans to see Fur from the previous week due to Dan’s inability to return phone calls, text messages, and emails (it’s true). I thought the parade was somewhat frightening. Especially the rabbit-themed floats and costumes including one grungy bunny riding a turtle. As a child I had a terrible fear of the Easter Bunnies at the mall that you get your picture taken with. These floats mostly reminded me of that, mixed with images of Frank the Bunny from Donnie Darko.

I’ve got to get out of this super busy mode that I’ve been in lately. This will be my first night at home and the first night in a few where i get my bed to myself, so tonight will be spent laying around the couch in my pajammas and watching newly purchased DVDs (The Girl Next Door and Boys Don’t Cry which are an odd combination but somehow work). I'll also get back to blogging daily since it seems that I can do this from work now to entertain and amuse you all.

“Is this the light of a new day dawning? A future bright that you can walk in?”

Top 5 Songs for a Freezing Monday as I force Myself Out the Door in Layers of Clothing (aka “I need new mittens” mix):

Oh My God- Kaiser Chiefs
I Just Don’t Think I’ll Ever Get Over You- Colin Hay
The Blower’s Daughter- Damien Rice
Mirror in the Bathroom- English Beat
Gimme Shelter- Rolling Stones

“No it's just another Monday morning”

"Wake up, The dawn of another dull day"
-Another Day, U2

Okay I've gotten a little lax on the blog updating this week (and note that lax for me is 3 days, not 3 months Eve!). There's a lot afoot this week so this will be a long post, so grab some coffee or Boone's and read on.

Let's start with 2 of the most unusual dreams I have this week before I forget the vivid details.
The most disturbing one was the one where I had a baby. I didn't actually birth it, I have no idea where it came from, how it got there, or which man was responsible for it. I was late for a movie and I kept having to make all these stops at mundane places like the bank, grocery store, etc. Each time I went into a store I would forget my baby there in the meat section or on the counter, or at the post office. People kept chasing me saying I forgot my baby. As I walked down the street they would hiss, "You're a bad mother" at me. My biggest concern was that I was late for the movie. I don't think this dream is an indicator of a ticking biological clock, a thawing of the heart and uterus when it comes to offspring, but was merely induced by Dan's anger towards a baby that was present at a screening of Stranger than Fiction.

The second dream has no context whatsoever other than part of it involved Shane who lived in a room of sand and had a futon matress that was filled with human heads. Except they weren't real heads, they were made out of the same foamy substance as stress balls. Eve was also featured in this dream yelling at me for not wearing enough purple. And Shane had a moustache which proves it was also Movember in my dream. He looked like this:

"Last night, Head against the wall"

And now for the weekly recap:
The YM and I went to a comedy night with Sean Cullen at The Drake, which aside from a Bing Crosby joke that only I would ever find funny (with the exception of Shane and Mairin) I didn't find the show that amusing. Zack Werner from "Canadian Idol" was there and he was not funny, just an irritating ass. And if I didn't like it, you know it was bad. It was a last minute thing that I was coerced into since I had been planning on spending the night in my pajammas immersed in a "House"/"Law & Order" marathon. And I didn't get to watch the last 5 minutes of the "Full House" episode I was watching. Now I'll never know what happened to Uncle Jesse and his girlfriend the musician.

I was also yelled at constantly by people on Tuesday: a crazy dude on the streetcar, and man/girl at Starbucks (I spoke to It and still couldn't determine gender), a man at the bank, and I was heckled at by a school girl: "hey! hey you in the skirt! When was the last time you washed your hands??? OMG! That girl doens't wash her hands!" She reminded me of me as a child.

"Stop, shake out, They come my way"

Last night I went to the Red Room for dinner with a friend I made while volunteering in October who ended up getting a job down the street from me with a former employee of my company and owns a house in High Park. It was good food as always but the amount of bugs was incredible. We saw two cockroaches (small babies) at the table as they came out of the wall. It's November, should bugs be elsewhere, and why are they at the Red Room? Mildly disgusted, i still ate my dinner. Last night's music selection: Nirvana's Nevermind, an Elvis album, and something I didn't recognize. So not good music on the whole.

Dirk is coming to stay with me tonight! We're hitting the Cave with Lauren and Yenni (and maybe more) tomorrow. I'm so excited for Caving to relive the good old days.
And the Mexican is pondering a visit over Easter which sounds likely, and Eve, Nat and I scored Emily Haines tickets. Also considering a New Years party...especailly if Nat's trip with the Om doesn't pan out. It's my turn to have you for New Years.

In prep for faux-new U2 CD week (2 new songs techinically count as a new album) here's my U2 Top 5 b-sides:

Happiness is a Warm Gun
North and South of the River
Walk to the Water
Holy Joe
Spanish Eyes

"When night turns to day"

“How long now, Until the clouds unroll and you come home”
-The Saints are Coming, U2 & Green Day (yes, I know it’s a cover)

I’m angry.

To clarify: angrier than usual.

Well, maybe I’m not usually angry. Just generally stand-offish and disagreeable. Like a stubborn goat.

I’ve just been generally pissed off this week. I think it may have to do with the fact that I now have to go to work and be somewhere to perform menial tasks at a set place and time. And my usual routine of reading blogs and books, watching “The View,” and waking up at the crack of 1pm has been interrupted by my new job so I’ve lost all of my “me” time for now until I figure out how to blog online and chat on MSN (I’ve conquered emailing on the second day). But it also seems as though free long distance calls to Mairin and Natalie are out.

I’m also angry about boys in general, and we all know how much I love boys (and Boyz II Men). We’ll see.

“How long now, Until a weather change condemns belief”

And the bitter chill of impending winter is also making me, well, bitter. And the lack of concerts and events in the near future (except for you Jason Collett and Wicked). I seriously considered a pair $15 tickets to see Guns n’ Roses out of boredom, but somehow it just wouldn’t be that hilarious without someone random and amusing to go with like Shane, Dirk, or Nat. I think I just feel like complaining. I need to take my aggressions out at the Cave via some old-fashioned shoving and beer bottle throwing. Or Nat’s patented “Get out of my face, Ho” dance which looks more like the courting ritual of a giant orangutan.

I think I’m having more fun being pissed off about nothing than for any other reason. It gives me something to do in between watching Hook on TV and thinking about things I’d like to eat.

I think what all this really stems from is my missing The Grinch on TV yesterday. I know, it’ll be on a hundred times before Xmas, but I love it so. Sure, I could find my ghetto VHS tape of it, but that would be too easy. The Christmas season doesn’t officially begin until the Santa Claus Parade and one viewing of Home Alone. Luckily, I only have a week to wait and then I can gorge on marshmallow Santas (not Zantas). And I’ve scored the week off of work between Xmas and New Years to which I’ll more than likely be drunk or hungover the entire time and high on sugar from the amount of candy canes I’m going to eat.

But I have a new U2 album on the 21st to look forward to and hopefully Dirk is coming to stay with me to attend his U of T grad which will undoubtedly involve some Dance Caving. And the countdown for Eve to come home and play is on!

And there's Muppet's on TV, so now all is right with the world.

“I say no matter how I try, I realize there's no reply”

"Did you have to go to jail, Put your house up on for sale, did you get a good lawyer?"
-Valerie, the Zutons

The new job is going relatively well. I’ve already figured out how to surf the net and send emails. Blog updates may be out, at least for the first month, but I’m wily enough to figure that one out eventually. My co-workers are nice- all 4 of them…except for maybe the accountant but I think all accountants are like her anyway. And I’ve done more networking in terms of meeting producers, directors, editors, and various other post-production people in my 2 days of work than I have in my entire life. My daily tasks include answering the phone and…well, that’s really it so far. Tomorrow’s task is to figure out who can make company letterhead and what the going rate for used photocopiers is on craigslist. Luckily the woman I share the office with is a fan of Virgin Radio so at least the music is good and ample.

And I had time to find this website: Dullmen.com and an article pertaining to dull men who like to make lists. It’s meant as a joke, but I actually own lists of my lists. I live a strange life.

"And are you shoppin' anywhere, Changed the colour of you hair, are you busy?"

Tomorrow night also happens to be Shortbus night. And I’m not using “Shortbus” as an adjective to cleverly describe the night’s activities- like that is going to be so Borat! Or we have some events of Bail Out proportion planned. Or we were all like Nosferatu up in here… but Justin and I really are attempting to see it this time around. And Dan and I are going on a shopping spree on Saturday. That is, once I finish shaking my first at Rogers for my $181.00 wireless bill. That’s $181 CDN, not 18100 yen.

And it looks like there’s a fun ladies night brewing post New Years- Emily Haines just happens to be in town over Nat’s scheduled visit in January.

"Well sometimes I go out by myself, And I look across the water"

Today’s Most Frequented Top 5 (aka the “if I have to go to work, I might as well listen to music”):

Hotel- BSS
Tear You Apart- She Wants Revenge
Better do Better- Hard-fi
You Are a Runner and I am My Father’s Son- Wolf Parade
Twelve- Forward Russia (technically not a good song, but here it is)

"And I think of all the things, what you're doing, And in my head I make a picture"

"I wanna get physical, let's get into physical..."
-Physical, Olivia Newton-John (or better yet, Goldfrapp's cover)

It was that magical time in a girl’s life where she gets to go for a routine physical. I was also asked many more probing questions before the physical probing followed by the blinding of my eyes with the light on a stick. At least I got pancakes for breakfast to go with my tetanus shot. Rusty shivs be dammed, I’m good for another ten years or puncture wounds. Although now my arm is aching and I can see the slight discoloration of a bruise forming. Damn my wimpy skin. My new employer will think I’m some sort of needle drug user and that I just like it in the upper arm area. Can I call in sick on my first day of work?

"I'm sure you'll understand my point of view"

I made the trip home to attend my doctor’s appointment. Usually, when one thinks of going home to the family they imagine being fed healthy foods, vegetables, and milk to balance out what most parents assume (and secretly know) that you’re eating while away. Like my dinner of candy 2 weeks ago. But that wasn’t the case. When I asked what we were having for dinner, my mom replied, “Pizza Pizza, chicken wings, and pop. We have cookies at home.” After this well-balanced meal (scored the leftovers too!) my dad force fed me frozen mini chocolate bars left over from Halloween while demanding that I watch “CSI: Miami.” We also had a good family cry over the Beast, although I couldn’t bring myself to go visit his place of eternal rest in the backyard. It was weird to be home without Tony around because I subconsciously kept looking for him, expecting him to be at the door yelling at me to let him in or smothering me in my sleep. It was a hard thing to come to terms with but we hugged it out as a family. I tried my best to convince my parents that a new addition to the family was needed, “But we can call him Seamus, or Cary Grant is a good name for a feline!” But my parents now have their sights set on getting a leather couch now that the Beast and I aren’t around to tear it up with our claws or by couch vaulting.

"I've been patient, I've been good"

Tomorrow is my first day of work, or as I like to call it, enslavement. I don’t think it’s the kind of job where I’ll be able to update this blog, enter contests, YouTube, or drink copious amounts of caffeine during the day, but you never know. The boss is only in 3 days a week so I’m sure there’s room for slacking eventually. At least I have a dental plan. This be the company website which I will now be at liberty to update. I’m not really that nervous at all, but I am apprehensive about actually having to report somewhere at a set time 5 days a week. I haven’t worked an actual day since May 5, and even then, I hardly worked at all. Since there will only be 5 of us employed at the production company, I’m less likely to be ignored, forgotten, or left to my own devices. Working also screws up date nights since now I’ll have to reign in the amount of alcohol (yes, I know, I can just show up mildly hungover, but not in the first few weeks. There’s money to be made and student loans to pay back next month). So no late nights and beer with Justin for a while.

"It's getting hard this holding back - you know what I mean"

"And i'm looking through the glass where the light bends At the cracks"
-We Will Become Silhouettes, The Postal Service

A new catchphrase, Tim Robbins-ing, Borat, scooter races, Boone’s, too much food, a feather boa, unflattering photos of everyone (and for whatever reason, tonnes of Dirk), and a barfing cat. That all sums up my annual trip to Ottawa.

I got to Ottawa after my 7am train on Friday (thank God I fell asleep at 630pm on Thursday) ready to hit up Azteca with Natalie and Kate. After much eating and discussing my dating adventures from Wednesday night, we parted ways until the meeting of Kate’s Fondue Club (which is something I’m not at liberty to discuss here since what happens at Fondue Club, stays at Fondue Club…. I mean… what Fondue Club?). After much damage to my wallet at the Rideau Centre of all places while having far too much fun in the bra department of The Bay, Nat and I ran into Dirk at the LCBO, which was appropriate to say the least. It featured a loud conversation about Kenyan prostitution at the cash register. After our LCBO reunion, we dropped Dirk off and went to Kate’s to ingest mass quantities of molten cheese. We also encountered Dirk’s 30-year-old doppelganger. It was uncanny to say the least.

We had invited Dirk back to “The Ranch”, the newly adopted nickname of Nat’s house, but Dirk opted out due to the meeting of a “lady.” Not ones to get in the way of a lady, a title which immediately suggested she may be more classy than we are (I began thinking about Dame Judy Dench. Now that’s a lady). Thus, it led me to coin the newest catchphrase in our lexicon of sayings, “Dirk, you’re such a catch.” Dirk loves it, as he should. It’s the “You’re friend Dirk is a babe” of late Aught-6. We headed out into the night alone to face the wonders of Nat’s house, including seeing a random deer on the side of the road. Living in Toronto, all I see on the side of the road are hobos. And Zanta.

And speaking of hobos, Kate informed me of a stabbing at the Hobo Jamboree under the overpass by the Rideau Centre. Not one to make light of crises in the hobo community, I can't help but wonder if said knife was a rusty one. McNeil, I know you were thinking the same thing....then again, are there any other kinds of hobo knives?

"But all the news reports recommended that I stay indoors "

I went on an animal round up at The Ranch to find the 1 dog and 5 cats. I was acquainted with new members of the fam: White Power Gwen and Mathilda, aka “Mother,” two kittens who came into being whilst I was in the Jap. I spied Milo the orange man-cat, Carly the fluffy bitch queen, and the bathroom cat McBarfy (real name: Sarah). I walked into the bathroom to pet the cat and heard Nat say, “Don’t touch her. She barfs.” I continued to pet her because she was fluffy and pretty- although full of unexplained lumps which is never a good sign (tell Mallory to brush her cat)- when lo and behold, she started dry heaving. I couldn’t stop laughing. She sounded just like Bea Arthur. But more feminine.
Saturday revolved around watching 4 solid hours of Much Music programming encompassing So You Think You Can Dance, Goldmember, and yes, even Much Vibe. But we needed to gather our strength for the evening of Saigon’s delicious Vietnamese food, Borat, and Zaphods. Nat, Kate, Dirk and I all met at Zaphods where some instances of the conversation had to be toned down when it was discovered that there was a 12-year-old child seated at the table behind us. Then it was off to Borat.

"I've got a cupboard with cans of food, filtered water, And pictures of you and i'm not coming out, Until this is all over "

Borat was only showing at the Coliseum in Ottawa so we had to make the trip out to Carling, and wait in massive lines. The film was playing in 3 theatres simultaneously, and not finding any good seats in our assigned theatre, I literally ran into the one next door to score us prime seats. I’m sure the people who legitimately paid for said seats had to sit on the floor, but that’s hardly a concern of mine. Dirk had no real concept of what Borat was, being in Africa and all (ok, not really a legitimate excuse for Dirk, but we’ll let it slide). Needless to say it was inappropriately hilarious and offensive. I can’t think for a time when I laughed more. It also spawned “retarded brother” jokes for the rest of the weekend.

On our way to Kate’s for pre-drinking after a delightful call to Loewenstein, we drove by 2 old men racing their motorized scooters on the road. Not one to pass up an oppourtunity, I had handed Dirk my camera in under 15 seconds and he snapped a picture. Now, it doesn’t so much matter that the picture didn’t turn out, but the sheer fact that through fits of uncontrollable laughter at the sight of scooter racing, we were able to actually take a picture of something, resulting in high fives. Of course, we probably gave the old men a seizure or blinded them with the flash of the camera in the dark. "And i'm screaming at the top of my lungs pretending ,The echoes belong to someone, Someone i used to know "

After I drank an entire bottle of Boone’s myself in an hour (Orange Pineapple) and Dirk was introduced to his new BFF Simon Kate’s adoptive cat (who only drinks water out of a glass, like a true gent), we had to wait in line at Zaphods until they let us in, where we then proceeded to drink more booze included the coveted quarts of 50 while giving out random Tim Robbins to the DJ, mostly. But that’s what he deserved after playing Justin Timberlake. There had been some sort of private party so all these old people in suits, and even a man or two in a tux were in the crowd- not your usual mix at all so there was no real need for shoving. Of course, that didn’t stop me from shoving the lesbians who deserved it, or the shoving Nat gave to obnoxious dude. It did provide us with a feather boa we rescued from the floor and proceeded to wrap around ourselves. It should also be noted that between Kate, Nat, and myself, we had some various forms of Pepcid AC, Pepto Bismol, and other stomach-ailment meds which goes to show you that I may have lost all confidence in my stomach after this year's drinking fiascoes. It's times like these that I wonder whether or not I appear to be an alcoholic to onlookers, passersby, and casual acquaintances. Then again, I usually just have to glance at the company I keep and am reassured that we're not drunks. We're just fond of the drink. And since when have I cared what the norms think.
The dancing was crazy as usual and I almost fell while dancing of Dirk, an incident reminiscent of our falling down at the Dance Cave although not so drunkly hardcore. It was also of note that we were not dripped on my the Barefax pipes. No, I don’t believe they have fixed it or have become concerned with health codes, I just think we were on the right end of the dance floor. It was Kate’s first night at Zaphods and she handled it well, although abandoned us briefly while Nat and Dirk laid down on the stage. Realizing we were all far too hot and sweaty and the music had turned, it was time to head out as the lights came on to grab some poutine from the infamous poutine shack next door, which included Dirk and I eating pickles out of the pickle dispenser. We were also witness to this crazy street fight where dudes actually got out of cars and there was a swarming of dudes. The police showed up 10 minutes after the fact and we continued to wait in line for poutine observing the entire scuffle, drunk dialling Mairin and Angus (Shane, we were going to call you but decided that Dirk may get thrown in jail for making long distance calls to Egypt on the government dime).
"I wanted to walk through the empty streets, And feel something constant under my feet"

Sunday provided Nat and I with more shopping and Eggs Benedict after crashing at Kate’s house. After more ruckus with various cats, we pulled into the train station just as my train was pulling in. So much for Via Rail always being late.

Even though it snowed overnight, a frightening thought that makes me realize that I’ll have to break out my winter coat sooner or later (or later since it’s a balmy 14 degrees in S. Ontario today), I’ll be back to do it up in style in January, and am waiting for Dirk to come crash with me in 2 weeks and for Nat post New Years. Being in Ottawa does bring back fond memories of the good times at Zaphods and Zak’s, but at the same time, I am only reminded of winter and Martin Landau.

Top 5 Zaphods Tunes of Saturday:

Reptilia- The Strokes
Deceptacon- Le Tigre
London Calling- The Clash
Don’t feel Like Dancin'- Scissor Sisters
Rebellion (Lies)- Arcade Fire

"And we'll become silhouettes when our bodies finally go "

“At the devil's party nothing's a sin, At the devil's party we know where you've been“
-Devil’s Party, INXS

Whoo hoo! I gots me a job. I’m now a producer’s assistant at a little TV/Film production company. It’s for slightly less money than the last job (less as in what I’ve spent on booze and movies this past week), but this time I actually get raises every 4 months. Fuck everything else, I have a job in production! It’s pretty swell since I just had my second interview 3 hours ago and the dude was already calling to tell me I’m awesome. I’m glad I woke up from my nap for that. I start Wednesday, which means tomorrow is shopping spree day.

In other news, I have another date tonight with Justin- also why the shopping spree has to wait until tomorrow. I am going to try not to randomly barf in a park or anywhere else tonight, but now that I have a job, all bets are off when it comes to alcohol consumption. I love dating other film majors…we’re able to have complete conversations about vampire films, Mickey Rooney, montage sequences, and who has the most impressive DVD collection (I lose, but only on account of villainy. I win the coveted VHS AND Beta prize). I prefer obscure titles over quantity and/or quality. Just being able to see Sarsgaard at the touch of a button is my reward. Yay! So many fun things going on this week that I’ll have plenty to gossip about with Kate and Nat at lunch on Friday in O-Town before hitting up Zaphod’s on Saturday avec Dirk. Makes me kinda sad that I didn’t hang with Dirk for Halloween. I really miss the “Excuse me, are you prostitutes or is that your costume?”

“I might believe it's love, you might believe it's war“

Which brings me to my dirty early train that I have to catch on Friday morning. Ugh, I’ll actually have to try to catch the first subway train around 6am to get to Union station for Via Rail. Maybe I won’t even go to bed.

I dressed up in a kimono and handed out Halloween candy last night on the front porch. Or I should say I dressed up in a kimono and ate Halloween candy on the porch. Kudos to the 8 year old dressed as Elvis who gave me a “Thank you, thank you very much” when I handed him a Snickers bar and some Fuzzy peaches. After gorging on candy, the roomies and I sat around to watch the classic Black Christmas, filmed at U of T and starring a young, pre-crazy Margot Kidder and Andrea Martin. Everyone was frightened except me who kept yelling out things like, “Someone is so going to get a hook in the face,” “Dude, seriously, it’s the boyfriend. I know that and it’s only 20 minutes into the film,” and “Is that dude wearing a knee length mink coat?” (he was). For anyone who has watched a horror film with me, you know I ruin them for you. Case in point, if you all refer back to the Forsey Halloween party where The Shining was openly mocked for all its “Tony” glory (although I do heart it). Yenni made me sit and watch CSI with her afterwards because she was afraid to be alone until I whined too much and she let me go watch House. No one wanted to watch Candyman with me either because they claimed it was too scary.

“When you're on fire you burn like the rest“

Top 5 I'm Listening to on Repeat today (aka the "Why Should I listen to the radio when I have 5 good songs here?":

Valerie- The Zutons
Devil’s Party- INXS
News and Tributes- The Futureheads
Birds- Moving Units
Lucas With the Lid Off- Lucas

“Oh, lonely days of the road to excess“