"Play me a song to set me free, Nobody writes them like they used to"
-Get Me Out of Here, I'm Dying, Belle & Sebastian

It's so damn hot here. I've graduated to full-on sloth mode (the zoos actually let the sloths roam freely in the trees out of their cages but, being sloths, they are too lazy to escape). Eve and I perch on the couch watching old episodes of "America's Next Top Model" while fanning ourselves with hand Japanese fans purchased from the wonderous dollar store while pondering how we're going to get through the heat of July and August.

And I let something unimaginable and totally unfathomable happen- I let a bottle of Boone's orange pineapple "wine" go bad from being in the heat due to the inability of our rididulously small fridge to hold the bottle. I know! I can't believe it either. I heart Boone's so much. But good news comes of this- we went to my two favourite places which just happen to have air conditioning, free-flowing drinks, and entertainment: rotating sushi bars and karaoke for food, fun, and cold alcoholic beverages.

"Think of it this way, You could either be successful or be us"

Instating a new rule to only sing songs that we had not yet performed, our karaoke repetoire is both growing and allows fo rmore hilarity to ensue in the form of John Travlota (me) and Olivia Newton-John (Eve) duets, awesome Spice Girls performances, and legitmate songs that sound good like "Rock the Casbah," some Snow Patrol, "New York, New York," "Bittersweet Symphony," and an awesome "I Will Follow." We were actually able to discover what will become one of our patented duets: "Don't You Want Me," the Human League classic. And the ones that don't work: a Madonna (Eve-better range and bigger Madonna fan) and Britney (me- the less talented slutty one? I don't know how that was decided) "Me Against the Music" duet, Ashlee Simpson's "Lala" which sounds worse if you actually sing it. The only way to get through it is to horribly scream it off-key in true Simpson fashion. Can I get a "Runaway Train?"

"This is no declaration, I just thought I'd let you know..."

I've been horribly neglecting my travel blog, so some updates for that may be in order. And I actually managed to peel myself from the balcony today to make a trip to the post office to mail random postcards (if you don't get one this time around, you'll get one in the next mail haul. After 8 postcards I got tired of writing the same things).

Top 5 Songs that Make Me Miss Home Even Though I'm Not (aka the I Miss Canadian Music mix):

We All Lose One Another- Jason Collett
One Evening- Feist
Everest- Andy Stochansky
Fire Eye'd Boy- BSS
Elevator Love Letter- Stars

"That wasn't what I meant to say at all"

"What's that coming over the hill, Is it a monster? Is it a monster?"
-Monster, The Automatic

I just realized last night that its been a year since our graduation ceremonies for those of us who went to Carleton. I only thought of this when I realized that the horrible Much Music Video Awards were on this past weekend, which coincided in my return to Toronto post-grad last year after a long bus ride with Angus.

I didn't expect to be in Japan and I didn't think that so many of my friends would be spread around the globe. I thought I'd still be slaving away 9 to 5 style. Now the only thing that concerns me is how do I ever go back to a legitimate job, since we all know I never had to work that hard anyway (or maybe I was just so good at my job that I had lots of free time for blog writing?).

"Confused, mind bruised, it seeps out"

So now that I'm slowly digesting the past week in Tokyo, I'm still kind of lazy when it comes to running the errands that I need to do. Its just too humid for me to even think about going to the post office. I'm already planning subsequent trips to Tokyo that involve Tokyo Disney, the Museum of Western Art, the Rock and Roll Wax Museum (hopefully even more cheesy and ludicrous than the one in Niagara Falls), and a side trip to the giant Buddha and beaches of Kamakura. I also fin dit interesting that Tokyo has slipped to number 2 in the "Most Expensive City" list, behind Moscow, while Toronto is 47th. I don't find Tokyo that expensive- you can still eat a 3 course meal for $10, museums for $4 , etc. I still found London more expensive both times I've been there. Or maybe all that says is that if you're going to go to Tokyo, bring me with you and I'll find you the best places to eat and see for the least amount of money.

"Face down, home town looks so grey"

And Eve and I also need to plan our trip to China and/or wherever else we might end up during the holiday week in early August. Good news awaiting me when I finally made it back to Fukushima was that Eve managed to wrangle me a bike while I was away. And it’s not just a run of the mill Japanese grandma bike with a basket like everyone else- I actually have a Hurley mountain bike, sans basket, in all it’s neon glory. Now we are all set for cycling adventures which can only inevitably end with me throwing my bike into the river.
And we’re also starting to plan for Fuji Rock including careful study of how I will push our way to the front of the stage for Franz Ferdinand and BSS, what exactly we’ll look like after 3 days on non-showering (I said bring hats), how we’re actually getting there, and maybe we should practise setting up a tent before we go since we’re both lacking mad camping skillz (although we have plenty of other mad skillz). We’re also plotting out exactly who we want to see and how we can run from one stage to the other in time- Eve really wants to see rinocerose and BSS, while I’d rather catch Orson (whom Eve dislikes), The Automatic, and Milburn, who all may be playing at the same time as Snow Patrol, and KT Tunstall. As long as I can’t hear Jason Mraz and the Red Hot Chili Peppers, we’re golden.

“Without these pills you're let loose”

I’ve also worked my way through seasons 1 and 2 of "House" (and I miss it already), so now I’m moving on to…wait for it…"Perfect Strangers!" Yay! That will provide me with endless hours of entertainment, as will my new favourite Simpsons quote (to be read in a Chinese accent by a white dragon like Flacor in The Neverending Story): “Homer, I am a dragon. Give me your peanuts and you may ride on my back.” It’s up there with “Shut up YOUR face.” I miss having drunken conversations based entirely on random "Simpsons" quotes….

“Brain fried tonight through misuse”

What’s a blog without at least one list?

Top 5 Songs o’ the Day:
Raoul- The Automatic
Here Comes the Summer- The Fiery Furnaces (still mad about missing them at Fort York)
Cheshire Cat Smile- Milburn
Riot Van- Arctic Monkeys
Just a Thought- Gnarls Barkley

“Stand up, brush off, get moving”

“I don't mind, As long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine, I’ll be fine, if you give me a minute”
-The Importance of Being Idle, Oasis

I made it back from Tokyo loaded down with purchases and gifts from Thailand from my mom and aunt. My brain isn’t totally functioning after a week in Tokyo running around, sightseeing, and constantly on the go between my 3 days with my family, and 4 days with Rusty. So if you want legitimate “I went to Mt. Fuji and took a picture of this horse” you’ll have to read my travel blog when I eventually update it and add photos (most of which are currently on Rusty’s laptop which is with him in Thailand). So instead, I present to you the odds and ends and bizarre facts of Tokyo as I catch up on everyone else’s blog entries and all the gossip I missed while I was away (Aaron Spelling died? I didn’t know zombies could die). So for now, this is the basics until I actually unpack and sort through the week. In short, very happy to see my mom and my Aunt Heather- it’s nice to have a little bit of home and normalcy here in Japan and let them share in on the bizarreness of this country.

“It ain't no place to be killing time, But I guess I’m just lazy”

Best picture taken of me: The one where I demanded that I have my photo taken at Sega Joypolis standing next to the Michael Jackson autograph and picture of him posing with young children.

Best purchases: My “Groupie Looking for Musicians” Fender t-shirt, and The Raconteurs CD which was on sale. The "cat+music= a good time. Home Made bon bons. He sits and relaxes on which is called stump" nonesense English t-shirt that has a picture of a cat listening to an iPod on it.

I wish I Bought- the Bob Dylan umbrella (wouldn’t fit in my suitcase), and the overpriced Franz Ferdinand/U2/Boy George autographs. I made Rusty take a picture of the FF one. And PERHAPS THE MOST DISTASTEFUL SHIRT EVER: The “I LOVE JESUS” shirt with a picture of Our Saviour with a gold crown of thorns and “I love Jesus” written ad nauseum all over the back. I could easily wear it and make a mockery of everything the Jesus shirt stands for, but I have the feeling that it would get me into trouble at home so my revelry would be short-lived. But I shall cherish its memory forever. I so wanted that shirt...

Best Thing Eaten- an avocado quesadilla at a Mexican place, a crepe filled with cheesecake, whipped cream and strawberries, and the donuts at the breakfast buffet at my second hotel with my family.

Worst Things Digested- the Japanese breakfast at my first hotel with Rusty. No one wants to eat miso soup, rice, pickles, and tofu at 8am. Thank God for the 7-11 around the corner.

Best Gift Received from my Mom: A Oscar statue from her stopover in LA. Monkey Balm- given to her by a monkey in Thailand to which I exclaimed, " A monkey gave this to you and now you're giving it to me?! Thank You!"

Best Mis-named Store: U2 which sells men’s clothing.

Best Store: Musiculture- the all-music memorabilia store- a black hole for my funds.

Best Thing Seen on TV: "AFI 100 Greatest Songs." I hadn’t seen English TV in over a month and the only thing on TV in English is this?! Talk about sweet. Even though I have both seen it multiple times and have it on tape, I think I may have screamed when I saw it was on. It also led to my discovery of the weird channel that shows old movies at random times. Sample: “Is that Victor/Victoria or is Julie Andrews dressed like a man for something else?”

Most Horrible Creature at the Ueno Zoo: The Aye-Aye http://thingsnottosay.blogspot.com/2006/03/get-outta-my-dreams-get-in-to-my-car.html which is even more terrifying alive than it was stuffed at the ROM. It has a “third” E.T. like spindly finger that it uses to tap on logs to find bugs to eat. Also, the amount of bizarre creatures I have never even seen before like the mouse-like thing with bird legs and tiny arms.

Best Animal Display: The majestic Canadian Beaver.

“My best friend called me the other night, He said “Man, you crazy?”

So that’s about it for the run down of Tokyo, or at least that’s all that comes to mind right now. I still haven’t digested it or sorted out all that I did this week. I’m looking forward to tomorrow and the rest of the week where my plans include reading my new book, listening to music, watching re-runs of House and figuring out future travel plans as the lethargy sets in. To paraphrase, “get me off of this crazy thing…called Japan.” I should find some money and open up my own memorabilia/film/music/pop culture store where I will tell you what you should and will like. I feel like I need to give lectures here about these things so it’s not all Mickey Mouse and rainbows (it is, literally).

I just heard the new Jessica Simpson song so to keep my head from exploding Scanners style…

Top 5 Random Playlist for Songs Stuck in My Head (aka the “I’m Too Tired to Concentrate” mix):

Runaway- Del Shannon
Spanish Bombs- The Clash
Chocolate- Kylie Minogue
Importance of Being Idle- Oasis
Elephant Love Medley- Moulin Rouge (McGregor and Kidman)

So ends the rambling.

“I can’t get a life if my heart's not in it”

"It's raining men, Hallelujah, It's raining men, Amen"
-It's Raining Men, The Weather Girls

Clearly, it's not raining men. Life would be completely different if it were. Instead, its just regular rain, every freakin' day since its the damn rainy season in Japan. So high humidity and puddles have kept me confined to the apartment whic is becoming increasingly filled with ants. It also led to what will be referred to as "the incident": a giant beetle found it's way into the apartment which had me standing on the couch and screaming as Eve huddled in her bed until Rusty was able to rid us of it. We were then told that we should have kept it and sold it. it seems that bettles are the new pets and kids like to have beetle fights. Prime example of what is wrong with both kids and beetles.

Because of the rain, we've been forced to occupy ourselves with indoor activities (mind out of the gutter). And since the novelty of karaoke has worn off for everyone except me- still not tired of it. I lie awake at night thinking of random karaoke songs to sing and ridiculous ones that I don't want to hear ever again like "Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman" as part of the Britney Speas medley...
So the prusuit of indoor activities led Rusty and I to Round 1- a giant indoor sports and arcade complex. In the same building you can try both bull riding and archery, gun shooting and basketball, bowling and virtual bowling, and all the arcade games you want since it's included in your entrance fee. that's right- no additional change needed to play the games. There are also full-body massage chairs. $12 gets you 3 hours of entertainment and when you're playing the awesome Japanese drumming game, time flies. Because I'm such a nerd, I love arcade games and Japan is full of bizarre things.

And if the weather dries up, Eve, Rusty and I are off to Aizu-Wakamatsu, somewhere near Fukushima to see a castle and hang out for the day. Former samurai's thought that the castle was under attack and on fire so they all committed suicide on a giant hill at the base of the castle. Turns out they were wrong and the castle still stands. Samurai's aren't the smartest bunch of guys.

Everyone is Japan has forsaken their soccer team after their disastrous loss to the Aussies with some people actually calling the national soccer league to demand that the team return to Japan immeadiately. It has been a lot of fun for me to ask the Japanese people I know how they are enjoying the World Cup. I may be in Japan, but I'm stil a jerk.

I'm off to Tokyo on Sunday for a week, so emails will go unanswered and blogs will go un-updated. Amuse yourselves while I'm away and remember that I love you and miss you. And if you're good while I'm gone, you're all getting Soylent Green and karaoke lessons for Xmas.

Top 5 Songs I'm Sulking to Since No One Wants to Go to Karaoke Tonight (aka The Who Needs You Mix):

Finding Out True Love is Blind- Louis XIV
Crazy- Gnarls Barkley
No Tomorrow- Orson
Diamond Dogs- Beck
Say Hello to the Angels- Interpol

"Hear the thunder, don't you lose your head"

"I don't want to say it, The news is not so good, We'll never get away"
-Raw Sugar, Metric

The weather has put a damper on the plans I had this week with Rusty- ie. plans to visit a lot of outdoor locations and it's been cool and rainy off and on. All that translates to blog entry time!

Here's a smattering of activites I've been undertaking in the past few days:

a) Walking to the river to the "swan pond" which does not contain a single swan.
b) Playing MarioKart at the arcade in giant vibrating cars and watching all the cool kids play bizarre futuristic Japanese video games.
c) Laying around eating Soylent Red and Green (on Tuesday).
d) Planning my week in Tokyo and subssequent day trips to Nikko with Rusty and Mt. Fuji with my mom and aunt.
e) Attending World Cup soccer (or futbol if you will) viewing parties to cheer on Australia instead of Japan tonight (it's more our of principle, spite, and my own amusement to cheer against the "home" team)
f) More karaoke. More gin and tonics.
g) Seeing a girl riding a unicycle while eating a baquette sandwich.
h) Complaining about the "new" movie releases: Inside Man (too old) and Poseidon (too crappy. Besides, Shelley Winters films should not be re-made).
i) Walking up the mountain to see the cemeteries and the giant woven sandal. Serious on both accounts.
j) Attending a lousy diner/drinking party. the only good thing to come out of it was the random drunken Japanese girl who befriended everyone and kept hanging around.
k) Having dinner at a German restaurant.
l) Buying the new Keane CD last week. On it's first cursory listen through, on a scale of "dude" and "sweet", I'd give it an "almost sweet" but it begs to be listen to again.

So that's pretty much it. Nothing too exciting to speak of, so hopefully when the weather clears, I'll have other random facts to share.

"What's a voice without a song?"

Top 5 Songs To Listen To While Waiting Out the Weather and Trying to Think of Something Else to Do:

Very Loud- Shout Out Louds
How Soon is Now- The Smiths
Random Song- The Postal Service
Nothing in My Way- Keane
Turn This Thing Around- El Presidente

"No I'm not complaining, Yes it could be worse"

"And to karaoke songs, How we like to sing along, Although the words are wrong"
-The Universal, Blur

Last night Eve and I headed out for some karaoke duets- kind of a girl's night out before Rusty invades our space tonight. We mostly tested the waters with tracks that we hadn't performed while drinking kahlua and milk, and gin and tonics.

We found that some songs just don't work that well (try and guess who picked which songs!)-
Janet Jackson- Rhythm Nation
The Raconteurs- Steady as she Goes (too repetitive)
Madonna- Nothing Really Matters
Arctic Monkeys- When the Sun Goes Down (just doesn't work without a broad Sheffield accent).
U2 Medley- just an odd choice of songs to go from one to another and odd sections of said songs.
Ewan McGregor & Renee Zellweger- Here's to Love. This one could be very good as long as you don't have to be both Ewan and Renee in the same song like I was.

And I gave up halfway through Dark of the Matinee although I think I could work it out.

"It really, really, really could happen"

Highlights which will definitely be entering into our roster for karaoke and can serve as suggestions for any of your own personal karaoke plans (and Dance Cave staples):

Pulp- Common People
Hard-Fi- Hard to Beat
Primal Scream- Rocks
Kasabian- L.S.F.

I also dedicated It's Gonna Be Me by NSync to Eve, randomly. Eve can also handle the Madonna very well, as well as an awesome duet we did on Wham's (excuse me, Wham!) Careless Whisper. She can also rock the Keane. I give props. The girl can sing. Although all of the Japanese boys will blow anyone out of the water with their performances.

"Every paper that you read, Says tomorrow is your lucky day"

And I think have have found three trademark karaoke songs for all future performances since no one else ever sings them:

Darts of Pleasure by Franz Ferdinand, White Stripes- Seven Nation Army, and George Baker Selection's Llittle Green Bag which I rocked (although no one knows this song, except for a few people who know their music or their Tarantino films well...no one in Japan)

I am also entirigued by the option of singing U2's Discotheque. I'm sure I'll send up at karaoke again this week, ready to try it out.

"When the days they seem to fall through you, well just let them go"

"Tuesday is Soylent Green Day!"

This is actually true, since I just finished watching the cinematic masterpiece that is Soylent Green and it is in fact, Tuesday.

Now I realize that the majority of you reading this have not been fortunate enough to have seen Soylent Green (I just know that Shane has and this post is pretty much going to paraphrase everything I sent to you in the post-Soylent email). But this is an excuse for me to create a highlight list of the notes I took during the movie. Yes, I took notes for both posterity reasons, hilarious discussions, and obsessive list-making reasons. I can guarantee you will like it (okay, that's a lie. I know Mairin will like it...Can't vouch for anyone else) but it's in the vein of books like Brave New World (hate it), 1982 (love it), and The Giver (meh). Until you expand your mind by watching the futuristic- it's set in 2022!- Soylent Green you are missing out on:

1. The scoops- bulldozer/dumptrucks that scoop people up during riots and then dump them into the back of the truck. The scoops also have mad people crushing skillz.
2. Charlton Heston's high-waisted pants or, "slacks" if you will.
3. Heston's use of a rusty knife to stab someone named Tad. To steal Shane's appropriate stabbing song, "Nothin' beats the hobo life..." Indeed.
4. The fight scenes- the sound is off, it's all over dramatized, and there are several instances where women get slapped around. It's all in good fun.
5. The quotes. I don't even know where to begin. A smattering of samples so when you hear them used in conversation, you can play along:

"But today is Tuesday!"

"I'll rub you down afterwards"

And in your best gruff, Charlton Heston, gun lovin' growl:

"Get me some booze!"

"Have some Soylent Green and calm down!"

And I leave you with the best of the best, "SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!"

And it certainly is delicious.

"It seems our efforts are wasted, but yet it hasn't been in vain"
-This is Our Emergency, Pretty Girls Make Graves

Eve and I gave the beach a try on Sunday. We took the train to a place called Shinchi, about 90 minutes away from Fukushima on the Pacific Ocean. We walked over a kilometre in the wrong direction along the beach. We were aiming for the bathing area that had the typical umbrellas and snack bars, boat rentals and shops, but Eve read the sign wrong, mistaking this arrow <-- for this --> . So yes, we headed in completely the wrong direction along the beach and ended up at a fishing port, with me al the while saying, “I don’t think this is the right way…I don’t think there’s anything further up ahead.” And, all I can say is that I’ve learned my lesson now- that’s twice Eve has lead us in the wrong direction (first in Tokyo on the subway) so I think I’ll have it much easier scouting my own way from now on.

All was not lost since we had still made it to the beach, albeit a sparsely populated area of it. It was like having our own private beach, punctuated by a random fisherman here and there. The locals were all looking at us like we were crazy since we were clad in t-shirts and shorts and they all had on jackets, jeans, and rubber boots. The water was freezing, but we weren’t there for a swim anyway. It was all good until the wind picked up and it felt like we were going to get Swept Away, just like that horrible Guy Ritchie/Madonna movie that I haven’t seen.

On the way home, again following Eve’s direction to just hop on the train instead of waiting for the one 25 minutes later, left us stranded at the wrong station for quite a while, until we finally made it back to Fukushima, tired, and either suntanned or with windburn.
So I learned the following on this outing: don’t listen to Eve’s directions, black fluffy caterpillars make me scream, and if you don’t have your rubber boots on you’re underdressed for the beach. Other than that, the view was good and the ocean was salty. And then we came home and watched United 93 and America's Next Top Model because nothing screams post-beach party like 9/11 movies and modeling. And our wrong turn did leave us in front of this "famous places" sign, which I felt I had to point out the Monument of Self-Sacrifice...since that describes me so well.

And Rusty is arriving tomorrow for 2 weeks, so I don't know when my next post will come. Nothing like boyfriends to ruin all your fun (Rusty, if you're reading this, I'm kidding and no comments from anyone else).

"Just keep on doing your thing right now"

Top 5 Playlist for Removing Sand From Oneself and Possessions (aka the “How Did I Get Sand In There?” mix):

Yellow Submarine- The Beatles
Turn Into- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
From Blown Speakers- New Pornographers
Factory- Martha Wainwright
Country Girl- Primal Scream

"Keep on doing your thing you do now"

“It's big and it's bland, full of tension and fear, They do it over there, but we don't do it here”
-Fashion, David Bowie

Eve has forsaken me and left me to die in the tepid waters that run through the mountains in Fukushima. Truth be told, I was invited out to Koriyama for a night of dancing. When I inquired about the music (techno/trance) and the booze (not-so free flowing and cheap), I decided I was better off swigging out of a bottle of Boone’s and watching reruns of House (I’m saving “Soylent Green” for the weekend). Or a more accurate depiction of events: I expressed my disappointment in Eve in the fact that she would travel to a town an hour away to voluntarily listen to trance music (which would induce a coma for me) and thus picked apart her iTunes library to cull the salvageable tracks into my own personal playlist (as well as downloading several artists she was lacking like KT Tunstall, The Raconteurs, and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs). I like my Boone’s cold, my men between meaty and firm, and my music hipster dance-able: none of which awaits me in Koriyama.

“Listen to me - don't listen to me, Talk to me - don't talk to me”

My mango ice cream or “soft ice” as it is referred to here left me bitter today. Either that or the heat, which I am having a hard time dealing with, even though its only the beginning of June. We’re currently planning an outing to the beach- my first time near the Pacific Ocean- on Sunday if the weather holds and everything stays on track in the planning department. So like a 20% chance.

I also decided to take a spin on Eve’s bike, which is in the style favoured by grannies in the 1940s- the baskets are big, the handles are wide, and there is only one speed. It also has a most uncomfortable seat which is still being felt by my ass today. But the scenery on my trip to Mt. Shinobu was worth it (I guess). Or it was worth it until I saw the giant sign that had a big picture of a tick with blood dripping from it’s fangs on it. I took that as a literal sign to turn back before I got lyme disease.

We all know my affinity for cemeteries, having previsously slaved away in one for 3 summers...okay so I was a city worker and we had naps in the mausoleum. Still, it was hot out.

Note the angry red statue man at this moutnain temple:

“It's loud and tasteless and I've heard it before”

And I learned something unusual today- most children ride unicycles for fun. True story. I saw them in the park. Eve told me they all have unicycles. Living here is just getting weirder and weirder (and I saw an awesome shirt that said “Fuck Milk. Got beer?” and had a smiling skeleton on it. But alas, it was $50 at a designer shop).

Top 5 Recently Viewed Videos as Part of My YouTube Obsession (aka the Who Needs MuchMusic Since Its Not Like They Play Anything Good mix):

The Universal- Blur
Disco 2000- Pulp
House of Jealous Lovers- The Rapture
Suddenly I See- KT Tunstall
Mofo- U2 (live MTV Europe 1997..I actually have this on taped on VHS!! Old school!)

“You shout it while you're dancing on the whole dance floor”