“Throw you arms around the world, at Christmastime.”
-Do They Know It’s Christmas, Band-Aid

Apologies for the lack of post-age yesterday. We had a staff meeting at work and afterwards we were all treated to wine and/or beer and chips, thus rendering the afternoon a write-off…not that I had gotten much accomplished in the a.m. either. See, I told you I work at a great place and love my job. Where else can I have free wine in the afternoon and then show a careless disregard for my duties because it was the company itself who plied me with alcoholic beverages?

It’s more of the same today, actually. Well, I am working this morning at quite a frenzied pace so I can slack this afternoon. A few of my friends here and I will be having a leisurely lunch with wine at one of Toronto’s fine establishments (possibly Eggspectations, so I revoke the term “fine”) and then coming back to work, happily mildly inebriated to while away the rest of the afternoon, hoping to get out of here early. And I need to stop at the mall too.

I’m pretty much finished my entire Christmas shopping, save for a trip to the sock outlet in Niagara Falls tomorrow. You heard me. There is a sock outlet. And it is there that I shall purchase some socks, the last item on my shopping list. And then comes the Christmas wrapping (as opposed to Christmas rapping which only occurs after large amounts of alcohol or eggnog has been consumed…so possibly this afternoon).

So what did I ask for for Christmas? Well I think I’m easy to shop for. My list breaks down into 4 distinct categories each year: DVDs, CDs, Books, and “Other,” which usually contains gift certificates for DVDs, CDs, and books. I’m heading home tonight and I’ll probably take in a movie at home. Perhaps one of my favourite Christmas ones like Hook (I count it as a Christmas film because I once saw it on Christmas Eve with my Dad at the theatre), or Scrooged.

I’m really looking forward to turkey. I love Christmas food, and on occasion, will actually eat the fruitcake that my Mom has had in the freezer for 3 years.

This is likely my last post for a while, since I’ve slagged off work next week (office is closed ‘til the 3rd) but I will post sometime after Christmas as lots will be happening, especially with Eve, Rusty, and Kate visiting. So I offer you a treat that I just now made up in 10 minutes, remix of “The Night Before Christmas” that doesn’t always rhyme.

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even the centipedes under the refrigerator;
The empty bottles were left by the chimney with care,
In hopes that some alcohol soon would be there;

The Forseys were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of David Hasselhoff danced in their heads;
And Nayeli with y gato negra, and I in my U2 Vertigo shirt,
Had just settled down for a long night cap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Pushed the cat out of the way and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But an old grisly hobo, drunk on cheap beer.

With a little old liver, so dried up and bad,
I knew in a moment it must be your Dad.
More sluggish than alcoholics, his lushes they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Surly! now, Tipsy! now, Sleazy and Queasy!
On, Remorseful! on Dizzy! on, Edgy and Steve!
To the edge of the park! to the top of the pass!
Now dash away! dash away! Before I kick you in the ass!

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the bar the drunken hobos, they flew,
With a shopping cart full of bottles, and your Mom, too (Y tu mama tambien).

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the street
The clattering and singing of each liquoured-up man.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Surly came with a bound.

He was dressed like a pimp, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of liquor he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler he was, just opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they rolled! his appearance, how scary!
He gave me a drink, topped off with a cherry!
His smug little mouth was forced into a sneer,
As he dug in his bag and handed out beer;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a round beer belly,
That shook, when he lunged like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chummy and drunk, a right jerk-like old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, out of spite, myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had everything to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the bottles; then turned to the Jerk,
And bumping into the wall and stepping on the cat,
And giving me the finger, out the door he stumbled;

He sprang to his shopping cart, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they grumbled and swore like sailors, as I listened.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"Merry fuckin’ Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."


For my friends I give:

For Dirk- an all-expenses paid pass for Body Worlds
For Leanne- a new Kelly Clarkson CD
For Mairin- dancing David Hasselhoffs and a “Don’t Hassle the Hoff” sign
For Nayeli- a futbol
For Kate- a delicious sandwich
For Shane- an Adam “How many spoons have you got now?” Clayton “October” t-shirt
For Dan- a new van to scratch for the next time you’re transportation coordinator on a movie
For Rusty- better taste in music and U2 tickets
For Natalie- a Shirley Voodoo doll
For the Old Man- a clone of Puivis (Puivis Purvis at last!)
For Eve- a plane ticket home and Dangerous Dan’s burgers
For Heidi- a Time magazine with a nice picture of Bono on the cover
For Sharifa- a very tall man

And for anyone else I forgot, lots of beer!

So Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Krazy Kwanzaa and a Happy festivus for the rest of us!

OVERRATED: The kindness of strangers.
UNDERRATED: The power of Boy George to unite others in angry debate

“Do they know it’s Christmastime at all?”